Anticipating Saint Hartman's Day: How Will YOU Celebrate?

© Saint David Hartman

     I'm a saint. No, really.
     For years I've thought about it, even aloud and publicly in forums like Facebook. 
     It was time to either move or get off the canon.
     So Thursday I became Saint David. Or Saint Hartman. I think I like the second one better. There's probably a Saint David already. Probably not a Saint Hartman. I like to be unique.
     For a nominal fee, I purchased my sainthood through the Universal Life Church, in which I've been a reverend for more than a decade. 
     To become a reverend, I had to provide my name and a valid e-mail address. Wanna be a reverend? Check out the church's website. Tell 'em Saint Hartman sent ya.
     Though I don't yet have my official document suitable for framing, I was assured my sainthood was effective the day I submitted payment. The certificate will come soon enough, but not until the official scribe at the monastery scribbles it out. Sounds impressive, doesn't it?
     I know what some of you are thinking. Hartman's gone mad. How could he abandon his conservative Christian upbringing to do something like this? He's hellbound.
     Well hold your horses. Before I even became a reverend in the ULC years ago, I researched the organization to see if I lined up with their tenets. Religiously, they're harmless. It's okay for me to believe whatever I want about religion under the umbrella of the Universal Life Church, so long as I respect your right to believe whatever you want under the same umbrella.
     I'm fine with that. To be clear, I'm not required to concede that anything you believe necessarily is a path that leadeth unto eternal salvation. All I have to do is respect your right to walk your own path. I do that anyway. If I'm gonna live and let live, why not be a saint in the process?
     But why saint, when for the same nominal fee, I could have been a Cardinal, Friar or Lama? Peace Counselor, Swami or Very Esteemed? I could have even been a Pope. Not the Pope, I presume, but a Pope nonetheless.
     I chose saint as much for you as for me. Every saint worth knowing has his or her own day. If you're a really special saint, you day is recognized by whoever recognizes those things, and your day becomes a national holiday. Pretty soon folks are getting paid to take the day off to celebrate you.
     If I can give my friends one more holiday to celebrate, why wouldn't I? I can't promise your employer will give you the day off on St. Hartman's Day. Yet. That national holiday process is slow to develop. But there's no time like the present to get the ball rolling. As one of my colleagues, the Rev. Jesse Jackson, would say, "if not me, who? If not now, when?" By the end of this decade, my goal is to have St. Hartman's Day celebrated by tens of people worldwide. 
     Saint Hartman's Day officially will be celebrated on Dec. 21. It's my birthday, so it makes sense. I have mixed feelings about celebrating that day. Sadly, Dec. 21 is the shortest day of the year, and I don't want anyone feeling like they're getting less bang for their St. Hartman's Day buck. On the other hand, it's close to Christmas, another national holiday where you get the day off. Perhaps by proximity to Christmas, it'll be easier to convince the boss to cut you loose for the day. Plant the seed now. What can it hurt?
     On the left side of the blog, you'll see the official countdown widget to St. Hartman's Day 2011. You can even indicate if you plan to join the celebration. Feel free to leave a comment telling how you plan to celebrate the special day as well.
     Enjoy!