(Originally published Nov. 3, 2005, in wysiwyg. Reprinted with permission from the guy in the mugshot.)
Time's a-wastin'.
My friend Julie, previously written about in the blog and referenced as "Nurse Lady," frequently forwards me chain e-mails of various types. Sometimes I read 'em, sometimes not — but I do have to admit I have a pretty good history of breaking the chain. I'm just not good about forwarding stuff on to other people.
But I've been bugged by a stomach virus or something the last couple of days, and when I got the Feng Shui Horoscope from Julie, I decided to play the game. Might perk me up a bit, I thought.
Let's take a look at the "horoscope," what it says about me, and whether it's remotely accurate:
1. Which is your favorite color: red, black, blue, green, or yellow?
2. Your first initial?
3. Your month of birth?
4. Which color do you like more, black or white?
5. Name of a person of the same sex as yours.
6. Your favorite number?
7. Do you like California or Florida more?
8. Do you like a lake or the ocean more?
9. Write down a wish (a realistic one).
My answers:
1. blue
2. D
3. Dec.
4. white
5. Tom
6. 7
7. Florida
8. Lake
9. Get married before I die.
1. If you choose:
Red - You are alert and your life is full of love.
Black - you are conservative and aggressive.
Green - Your soul is relaxed and you are laid back.
Blue - You are spontaneous and love kisses and affection from the ones you love.
Yellow - You are a very happy person and give good advice to those who are down.
I picked blue, and right out of the chute this horoscope has credibility problems. Oh, I've been known to be spontaneous now and then, and I've even smooched on a girlfriend or two in my day. But beyond smoochin' on the girlfriend, I'm pretty much a hands-off guy. Don't be touching me without a good reason. The quickest way for a waiter or waitress to forfeit their tip is to put their hand on my shoulder while taking my order, or even worse, skooching me over in the booth so they can sit down next to me whilst I order.
2. If your initial is:
A-K - You have a lot of love and friendships in your life.
L-R - You try to enjoy your life to the maximum and your love life is soon to blossom.
S-Z - You like to help others and your future love life looks very good.
Since I'm a "D", I have a lot of love and friendships in my life. I'd say that's fairly accurate.
3. If you were born in:
JAN - MAR: The year will go very ! well for you and you will discover
that you fall in love with someone totally unexpected.
APR - JUN: You will have a strong love relationships that will not
last long but the memories will last forever.
JUL - SEP: You will have a great year and will experience a major
life-changing experience for the good.
OCT - DEC: Your love life will not be too great, but eventually you
will find your soul mate.
So my love life is pacing itself. Tell me something I don't know. But even this is a problem for the horoscope, as we'll discover further down in the survey.
4. If you chose...
Black: Your life will take on a different direction, it will seem hard at the time but will be the best thing for you, and you will be glad for the change.
White: You will have a friend who completely confides in you and would do anything for you, but you may not realize it.
I chose white, but I don't understand the revelation. I have more than one friend who would do anything for me, and I know it, and appreciate them deeply for it.
5. This person is your best friend.
Swiiiiiiiing and a miss. I picked Tom because it's the first male name that came to mind. But I don't have a best friend named Tom, nor anyone named Tom on the short list, that I can think of.
6. This is how many close friends you have in your lifetime.
I picked 7 because it was lucky. But I don't really have a favorite number, other than 150,000,000, the amount — after taxes — I win in the Powerball, not that I'm holding my breath or buying any tickets.
7. If you chose:
California: You like adventure.
Florida: You are a laid back person.
I'd say I'm fairly laid back, yes.
8. If you chose:
Lake: You are loyal to your friends and your lover and are very reserved.
Ocean: You are spontaneous and like to please people.
I reckon I'm loyal and reserved.
9. This wish will come true only if you send this to 1 person in one hour. Send it to 10 people, and it will come true before your next Birthday.
Well, now here's where we've got problems. Even though I haven't actually forwarded the e-mail, to 10 people, I have put it here on wysiwyg, which is viewed by more than 10 people per day, so I think that should count for something.
Per question 3, the love life aint looking so hot in the immediate future, and yet I have a birthday in less than 50 days. That's a little quick for a courtship and planning a wedding, I'm thinking.
But wait....there's a compromise....maybe I don't marry for love. Maybe I marry some rich old woman with an estate valued at $150,000,000 — after taxes — and after a brief, six-week marriage she dies and leaves me the cash!
Maybe there is something to this Feng Phooey stuff after all....
No comments:
Post a Comment